Thursday, February 5, 2009


3:31 PMToday at work sucked. Yesterday, Ms. Brown (the assistant principal) came in to do a math observation. Now, I'm not on Summative, so I'm not supposed to get observed, but Ms. Land (the math specialist) had come in on Monday & we were watching a movie, b/c we'd already done our math. So she tattled to Mrs. White/Brown and that led to the observation. Which was fine, except that I didn't have any lesson plans. I had PLANS, just they were in my head, and not on my desk, where they should be. So, I got marked down for that. She also said I didn't do a whole bunch of other stuff, but if that's so, well then I don't know how the hell to teach. So, first thing this morning, I get called down to do my post-observation interview, only it was more than that. Mrs. White & Ms. Brown were there & of course I was in trouble, yet again. My test scores sucked this past time around, but there's really nothing we can do about that. We didn't get all of our Social Studies & Science in, because we were cramming for this damn writing SOL, so of course they did poorly on those two. I haven't been running my reading groups and so I understand why they did poorly on that one as well. I suck at math & so therefore my students suck at math. Ms. Land is supposed to come in & help me teach & keep everything up to date, but she hasn't thus far. Anyway, during this meeting we first went over the observation.
Look Fors: What I did
Focus on providing students with opportunities to solve problems: My students had white boards & were answering problems on their white boards & then showing the answers when they were done. That seems like an opportunity to solve problems to me!
Teacher lesson plans that include samples problems for students to solve & justify responses: OK, I didn't have any plans, but we DID answer problems & the students DID justify their answers, by explaining to me HOW and WHY they got that answer.
Teacher modeling computational and problem solving strategies: I did several problems on the board "shared math" style...I did the work & the kids told me what to do. This is MODELING. If I just do it for them then they aren't learning...but if they HELP me do it, then they are getting it.
Math examples given in various forms: We did simple addition/subtraction, division, word problems, and hands on equations with algebra. That's 4 forms.
Requires students to justify responses: The studenst had to explain HOW they got their answer and WHY the answer they got was correct. If someone did it a different way from the person who shared, they also had to share.
Justification of answers as evidence in math journals/notebooks, and "Math Talk": My students used math talk for the entire lesson. We didn't do a notebook/journal activity, but she didn't see the end of the lesson, so she can't say that we didn't do it. (It should be NOTO.)
Students actively engaged in small group instruction: I pulled a small group of students to the back to work with them further at the end of my lesson (last 25 minutes). Several of the students were then pulled by Ms. Land (who was LATE) to go to her math group.
On the evaluation, Ms. Brown wrote "Levels of Implementation"=NONE. WTF?
I am so sick and tired of getting blasted over every damn thing. I do not want to be a teacher any more. I've begged and pleaded with Tim to let me quit. He won't. I could find another job, I'm sure. I'd love to try to do daycare. There has to be SOME kind of job out there. I'd love it if we could move.
I've been at work as late as possible all week trying to get caught up. Then, they took my entire planning time today, to have this meeting. So of course, I'm still here after school and my freaking plans aren't done.
The only reason I can explain for why I am having such a hard time this year is because I don't have a passion for what I do. Passion is not something you can pretend or force. If I enjoyed my job, I'd be better at it. BUT, I don't enjoy it. I haven't hidden this fact from anyone. Mrs. White has known since October that I am overwhelmed and struggling to keep my head above water.
I cannot wait until we get through this school year. I have to bust my ass over the next several weeks to get my kids ready to take the SOL tests. I need them to have decent scores if I am going to get any other job.
Part of the meeting today was to discuss what my other options within Norfolk are. Mrs. White suggested Willoughby or Larrymore. I'll have to look and see where they are. I really like the idea of how Camelot runs their school. The article in the paper about them was pretty good. Their principal is flexible & allows the teachers to do a lot of "out of the box" type things. I'd like a little freedom within my classroom.
Part of the problem for me, is that there is SO much that we are REQUIRED to do, that it's hard to make it work for what I NEED to do. I'm so stressed about having everything just so, that I can't get to the nitty gritty act of teaching my kids.
On top of everything, I think I should be ovulating soon and I don't need ANY stress right now. I'm on Clomid this cycle & I REALLY want to be pregnant this month. It's my last chance at having a baby at/on/or near Halloween. If we miss this cycle, we'll try in February, but probably take March off because I don't think either of us want a Christmas due date. I don't know about it yet, though, we'll have to talk about it.
Anyway, I'm tired & I really should get some lesson plans typed up. I also need to get tests ready for tomorrow. I wonder if there will be any paper in the printer when I go to make copies. We shall see.

1 comment:

Smellyann said...

Sorry work is so stressful. I totally understand about the passion thing. It's why I quit my PhD. I really don't see why you need Tim to "let" you quit your job, since you're so very, very unhappy. It's not like you're unwilling to work; you're just unwilling to be miserable. Is that something he wants for the wife he loves? I don't get that.