Saturday, December 27, 2008

Aunt Flo

Well, I'm officially on Cycle Day 1 of Cycle 7. Today marks 1 year that I've been trying to concieve. That's kind of sad. In 12 months, I've had 6 cycles. That right there makes my chances of getting pregnant 1/2 that of a "regular" woman.

I'm beginning to think there are no "regular" women. The ttc boards are jam packed with women who are having difficulties getting or staying pregnant. My IRL friends have had troubles getting/staying pregnant. It's just depressing.

Since I started the provera to induce Cycle 4, my periods have knocked me flat on my back. I thought it was the Provera at first...then I thought it was the Clomid, then I thought it was the miscarriage, now I know that's just how it's going to be for me. I'm expecting a migraine headache that kicks my ass around CD 6-8. I had 2 days of spotting this cycle. At first it was barely there pink tinged tissue. Then it was slightly heavier but still barely there on the tissue & pad.

Around 3 o' clock yesterday (Friday) I doubled over in pain and was in tears. I had the worst cramps. My parents didn't have a heating pad, so I got into the bath tub. I played an episode and a 1/2 of Prison Break while I soaked in a scalding hot bath. That helped a lot.

After the bath, I went to bed and just laid there, curled up in a ball. Around dinner time, my mom came in to get me and I was crying silently from the pain. I was still watching Prison Break b/c I couldn't sleep through the pain. After dinner, I asked Tim and Dad to go out and buy a heating pad. I went back to bed. This time I sat indian style & piled a bunch of pillows in front of me and curled down onto them. It helped.

When Tim brought me the heating pad, he said that Dad wanted to watch the latest Mummy movie. So I went out into the living room to watch the movie with them, heating pad in tow. I managed to make it through the movie.

As I was getting ready to go to bed, I had a little heart-to-heart with Tim. I told him I feel like a failure. I can't seem to do it right. I want so badly to be pregnant. I've quit drinking caffiene, I take the folic acid every day, I try to watch what I eat, I have been getting plenty of rest and drinking lots of water. I just want a baby. I ended up crying, but Tim was comforting and reassuring. It's nice to know that he loves me no matter what and that he doesn't blame me. He's not very open about how he feels about all this, so when he opens up even a little, it means a lot to me.

I didn't sleep well last night, but at least this time I wasn't hot! My parents house is ridiculous, it gets hot if someone even walks fast! So it's generally around 77* in here...when we're cooking it can get over 80*! We opened our window last night, so we'd be comfortable. Ahh.... I got up at 9:30 and changed my period had come full force during the night. It was a mess. I cleaned up as best as I could and got a drink, then went back to sleep. I got up about 11:30, still in agony, and took one of mom's darvacet pills. Ahhh...within 1/2 a hour, I was pain free.

I think it's wearing off now though, and I'm going to take another I think. We are supposed to be going to Uncle Tony & Aunt Dianne's house soon. They're ordering pizza for dinner. I don't get a lot of time to go online, since we're trying to "relax" and do stuff together.

Oh, we did decide to chart in January and try. If we get pregnant this month it will give us a due date somewhere between Oct. 4 and 14. (depending on when/if I ovulate) If I don't get pregnant in January (but I did ovulate on my own), I am not going to chart in February. If after February, I'm not pregnant I'm going to ask to be put on Clomid again & have more tests done. There is a theory that athough it can LOOK and feel like I've ovulated, the egg could be a cyst on my ovary that never got released...which can be bad. So, if Idon't get pregnant by Feb. I'm going to ask for another internal ultrasound too.

Ok, I think that's all for now.


1 comment:

Smellyann said...

Big hugs, honey. I'm sorry this is so hard. :(